A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more than you love me?
Beloved replied, I have died to myself and I live for you.
I’ve disappeared from myself and my attributes,
I am present only for you.
I’ve forgotten all my learnings,
but from knowing you I’ve become a scholar.
I’ve lost all my strength, but from your power I am able.
I love myself…I love you.
I love you…I love myself.
“A Gift of Love” by Deepak Chopra
So often have I heard from marriage counseling and couples counseling experts, as well as couples themselves – “To love someone else, you have to love yourself first,” and the question on my mind always was – “WHY?” Why is it thatI need to love myself in order to be able to love someone else Continue reading
As I was driving on one of the long and open California Highways from my psychotherapy clinic in Beverly Hills to one in Valencia, I was thinking of my last couples counseling session and preparing to the marriage counseling clients I was about to see. A low and raspy voice tore through the thin garments of my thought. The radio station I happened to be on had little to do with Continue reading
Most couples in relationships and marriage sooner or later find themselves arguing and fighting. These disagreements many times are highly emotionally taxing and usually do not feel good. The temporary disconnect with your partner during these moments of disagreement is so unsettling that it almost feels like your love, relationships, and marriage is falling apart. Before you consider marriage and couples counseling, there is something for you to consider: Continue reading
Like a wildfire the desire to meet my mate spread throughout my entire being, filling my body, mind, and soul with the hot and urgent energy, propelling me to act, to do something, to do anything! These were my younger days of singlehood, before I my venture into psychotherapy and couples counseling. Being single felt like a handicap, a condition I couldn’t wait to shake off, a pain of my existence. Not only did it feel wrong to be single, it felt Continue reading
The magnetic power of the word “SEX” is magical. We cannot help ourselves but to let our eyes lock on this word, as our bodies are filling with excitement and anticipation. You would have to agree with me that this magical appeal is not in these three letters, since these letters in any different combination, such as “ESX” has no power at all. So what is it? Why does the word “SEX” trigger this visceral chain reaction?
In couples counseling and marriage counseling the issue of sex comes up quite often. As a psychologist and a psychotherapist I had to look deeper into the issue of human sexuality and desire. Interestingly, the main sex-organ in humans is Continue reading
Sex and desire, just like alcohol, got us in all kind of trouble in the past. Being one of the most powerful driving forces in humans, the sexual desire clouds our thinking and gets us into the most ridiculous of situations at times. Talking to my colleagues in Beverly Hills and Valencia areas, who specialize in marriage counseling and couples counseling, I hear numerous stories of couples showing up for couples counseling due to a moment of indiscretion fueled by these two culprits.
Since all of us have made sex-choices that now, looking back, seem to be questionable at best Continue reading
“and we never really fight” – my friend concluded the description of her allegedly perfect marriage, awaiting for my enthusiastic response. I smiled, attempting for the smile on my face to cover up a question on my mind, which was-“and do you ever really f*** ?” Relationships without ever fighting, or f***ing for that matter, are little Fun. These 3 F-words seem to run together in relationships. There is one important principle I learned about relationships in my Beverly Hills and Valencia based marriage counseling and couples counseling practice. Couples, who experience their togetherness with intensity, tend to find intensity not only in the moment of harmony, but also in their occasional moments of disagreement. After a closer look, all of the 3 F’s are fueled by the same powerful energy that is responsible for keeping the hearth of the relationship fired up, warm, and inviting. We tend to call this energy Continue reading
“I am leaving for my next training,” I announced to my friend with some excitement, “hypnosis and NLP.” He looked at me. “NLP? What’s that?”
I knew the question was coming, and I also remembered my past attempts to explain being exercises in futility. When I tried to explain NLP as “Study of effective communication and excellence,” it was rather insufficient. The more pointed definition such as “Therapeutic modality geared toward shifting internal representations to create change in internal state (prevalent emotions), internal process (the “how” of our psyche), and external behavior” was more confusing.